I want to be a farmer. A temporary organic farmer to be exact through WWOOFUSA. Usually, I’d search for something outside the U.S. but my limited funds are keeping my sights stuck on the homeland. However, the U.S. is a big a country, and I haven’t seen much of it, so why not explore it? Two places I’d like to go are Alaska and Hawaii. I don’t see what I can’t split my time between the states. I initially thought I had to commit to one, but now I want to go to both. I love mountains and the beach because they calm the rage and worry bouncing off the walls of my head. And I have too much of both.
What spurned this on you might ask? Every minute I stay in Boston is another minute that a piece of my soul dies. I kid you not. This is not an exaggeration. I’m in purgatory right now, a horrible waiting period where I might have nothing to do for the next seven or eight months leading to school that starts in late August. I’ve applied to several PhD programs and who knows if I’ll get accepted, but I do hope so because I excel at only a few things and they are reading, writing, studying, and teaching. I don’t have much talent for anything else, but I still think I can make a pretty decent farmer, which is why I thought I should give it a go.
I need to get out of Boston. This city is killing me because I’m letting it. I’ve lived here all my life, and it terrifies me that despite how many times I’ve tried to escape it (lived in New York and Seoul, Korea) that I keep returning back like some strange curse. I need a new scene, freedom, and independence. I desire control over my life. And I do have it, but I’m afraid to use it. Why? Because my parents. It’s time I take my own advice and confess to my parents that I have the ridiculous idea to leave home and become a farmer who makes no money for seven months.
Reason tell me not to go because I need a real job so that I can save some money for grad school while my heart say screw it, just go with your gut and have an adventure that creates wonderful memories and stories. I’m confused. I don’t want to think. I just want to go. Go far far away as soon as possible. I have a choice to make and I have to make it fast. No thinking, no second-guessing, just pick and go and figure things from there. I wish I could be that person. I always thought I was that person. That’s the person I am in the future. I’m sure of it so why am I hesitating?
How about you? Have you ever taken a big step without thinking it through properly? Would love to hear your responses.